I-master-class on science yesayensi kusuka kwengqondo kwengqondo onolwazi
Kungani silahlekelwa isithakazelo kwezocansi? Indlela yokugcwalisa "kahle isifiso"? Ngingakwazi yini ukufunda ukuthola injabulo eyengeziwe kusuka kokusondelana? Izimpendulo zale mibuzo zinikezwa isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo u-Emily Nagoski encwadini yakhe ethi "Indlela Owesifazane Ayifunayo" (Mann, Ivanov noFerber Publishing House).
Ingabe umthombo awunalutho?
Ngelinye ilanga iklayenti labuza u-Emily Nagoski ukuthi kungani "isifiso esihle" siphuma. Kulokhu isazi sezengqondo saphendula ukuthi akukho okuhle. Okuningi kakhulu ukuqhathanisa nesha. Ngezinye izikhathi kunomfutho oqinile, futhi ngezinye izikhathi - obuthakathaka. Ukuwageza kuyoba khona kunoma yikuphi, kodwa kuye ngokuthi izimo ziyoba yini ukuzijabulisa okuthakazelisayo, noma umsebenzi okhulayo wamanje.
Ngakho ngokuphila kocansi. Isiqubulo - isimo sengqondo nesimo sangaphandle - kuthinta ikhono lokuzwa injabulo, futhi ujabulele inqubo. Ngesikhathi esifanayo ngamunye wethu unesimiso sakhe somgqugquzeli, esiqinisa futhi sinciphise "ukucindezela" kwesifiso. Isibonelo, uma umuntu oyedwa "eqala" kuphela ezindaweni ezixubile, ke omunye, isimo esifanayo singaba yisici esibi.
Izinto ezijabulisayo nezidumazayo
Ukuze uthuthukise impilo ebuseduze, uqale udinge ukuthi uqonde ukuthi yikuphi okujabulisayo nokukudikiza. Ukuze wenze lokhu, yenza izinhlu ezimbili. Kulolu hlu lokuqala zonke izimo ezikusiza ukuba uzwe nesifiso, kanti kwezinye - izici ezikuvimbela ukuba ungene ekujabuliseni.
Nasi isikhala esincane. Khumbula izikhathi ezibucayi kunazo zonke ekuphileni kwakho bese ubhala phansi izimpendulo zemibuzo:
"Ubheke kanjani?"
- Uzizwa kanjani?
- Ungumuntu onjani?
- Ubani umlingani wakho (ukubukeka, iphunga, ukuziphatha nokunye)?
- Ungayiphi indlela? Uhlangana kangaki? Ingabe ubuhlobo obuseduze?
- Uphi futhi ubuphi ubulili obukuphi?
- Uyakhumbula noma yiziphi izimo ezikhethekile (isibonelo, kwenzeka ngesikhathi seholide)?
- Yiziphi izenzo ozenzile wena nomlingani wakho?
Futhi manje cabanga ngesipiliyoni esingathandeki sezocansi futhi uchaze imininingwane usebenzisa inkomba efanayo.
Ukugeza okukhulu, ukukhulelwa ukukhulelwa kanye namasokisi afudumele
Phakathi kwezikhuthazo ezinhle kungaba yinto. Isibonelo, othile ukhuthaza ububele kanye nesimo sengqondo esikhethekile somlingani. Ngomunye wamakhasimende ka-Emily Nagoski, isibonakaliso esithandekayo kakhulu sokubheka ama-baths amakhulu emahhotela. Lapho intombazane yaqaphela lokhu, ngokushesha yaqala ukulungiswa kwendlu.
Omunye wesifazane wathola ukuthi uthola injabulo enkulu ngokusondelana, lapho umlingani "emshayela" kancane kancane emini ngokusizwa ngamazwi nokudlala ngothando. Ukhulume nomyeni wakhe - futhi ubudlelwane babo bobulili bejwayelekile. Ngokuvamile, manje uyakwazi ukwenza.
Nokho, ungakhohlwa ukuthi ezinye izinto zenza kube nzima ukuzijabulisa. Ngisho noma uzizungezile ngezibonakaliso ezinhle, izimo zokunciphisa zingaphazamisa konke. Ngezinye izikhathi kulula kakhulu ukuqeda. Isibonelo, ngesikhathi sesifundo esisodwa, amadoda akakwazanga ukufinyelela i-orgasm aze avunyelwe ukugqoka amasokisi. Kuvela ukuthi lezi zihloko zivele zishaye.
Uma ubanda kakhulu, thatha ingubo. Ukuqeda? Vula isimo se-air conditioner. Omakhelwane abaphazamisayo? Lindela isikhathi esithulile noma uthole enye indawo. Kodwa lezi zimo kuphela zangaphandle. Okubaluleke nakakhulu yilokho okwenzeka ekhanda lakho. Ngalokhu bese uzama ukuqonda manje.
Ukucindezeleka
Noma yikuphi ukucindezeleka kubonakala ubuchopho bomuntu njengengozi esheshayo empilweni. Umthwalo osindayo emsebenzini, izingxabano nabalingani bokusebenza, u-boss-tyrant - ohlelweni lwakho lwezinzwa zifana nesilwane esilamba esikugibele. Yiqiniso, ngaphansi kwezimo ezinjalo, awunawo ucansi nhlobo.
Ngokwezengqondo zengqondo, akwanele ukuxazulula inkinga ebangela ukucindezeleka. Kusadingeka ukunikeza ubuchopho isignali ukuthi yonke into ihlelekile. Ngenxa yalokhu, ungenza imidlalo, ukuzindla, ukulala kahle, ukuya ekusizeni noma ukukhala futhi ukhamuluke ukuze ususe imizwelo emibi.
Ukuzigxeka
Ucwaningo oluqhutshwa phakathi kwabesifazane lubonisa ukuthi labo abangenelisekile ngomzimba wabo futhi abajwayele ukuhlasela ukuzithoba kunzima kakhulu ukuthola injabulo yobulili. Futhi akumangalisi. Kunzima ukujabulela ubudlelwane obusondelene nabo, uma uqhubeka unenkinga ngokuthi ngabe amabele akho ahlukumezeka yini nokuthi ngabe umlingani uphazamisekile ngokweqile esiswini sakhe.
Funda ukuthanda umzimba wakho ngendlela. Khumbula njalo esibukweni bese uqaphela zonke izihlonipho. Qinisekisa ukugxeka kwangaphakathi ukuze uthule. Ngendlela, lokhu akusebenzi kuphela ngaphandle. Akudingeki ukhuthazele ngokungapheli ngenxa yokuhluleka kwakho namaphutha akho. Le ndlela yokucabanga ingaholela ekucindezelekeni kuphela. Kunalokho, zama ukuziphatha ngomusa nangesihawu.
Ukungathembeki komlingani
Esinye isici esithinta kakhulu ikhono lethu lokubhekana nesifiso sobulili ukuzethemba komuntu okhethiwe.
Ezimweni eziningi, ukungathembi kunzima ukufakazela. Ingahambisana nokuhlangenwe nakho okungaphumelelanga kwangaphambilini. Isibonelo, uma abazali bengakakhokhanga ngokwanele noma usuvele ubhekene nekhefu elingathandeki, khona-ke cishe uzokwesaba omunye ukudumazeka.
Futhi yini ekupheleni? Uzoqala ukuhlukumeza umlingani wakho ngomhawu nangokweqile ngokweqile, noma, ngokuphambene nalokho, uzohlala kude kakhulu futhi kubanda. Yiqiniso, ubuhlobo nabo ngeke bube ngcono.
Zama ukuzithoba uziqonde imizwa yakho. Ungazitshele wena noma umlingani wakho. Vuma nje ukuthi banakho. Cabanga ngokuthi ungabhekana kanjani nazo. Ngezinye izikhathi ukuzindla ngokucophelela kusiza, uma nje udinga ukukhala, futhi ngezinye izikhathi indlela engcono kakhulu ukwabelana ngemicabango yakho nomthandi wakho. Nguwe kuphela okwazi ukuthola indlela efanele.
Okuningi mayelana nokuthi ungasebenza kanjani nezici zangaphakathi nangaphandle ezithinta ukuphila kwethu kocansi - encwadini ethi "Owesifazane ufuna kanjani."