"Umqondo wokuthi konke okusemhlabeni akukhona okuphakade, okunamandla futhi okududuzayo ngokungapheli"
UMaria-Ebner Eschenbach
Ngaphambi kokuba ucabange ukuthi ngabe uthando lungadlula, khumbula ukuthi akukho lutho kuleli zwe elidlulayo, kodwa liguqulwa kuphela. Futhi uthando, futhi, aludluli ngaphandle kokulandelela. Ngezinye izikhathi kuphenduka ubungane, ngezinye izikhathi - inzondo, futhi ngezinye izikhathi - ekukhunjweni noma kumkhuba. Mhlawumbe sekuyisikhathi sokukhipha inothi lobuhlobo ukuze uqhubeke, kodwa uqonda kanjani ukuthi lesi sikhathi sesifikile? Indlela yokwazi ukuthi uthando seludlulile, futhi ngempela, uma lidlula, uma liyiqiniso. Sizokukhuluma ngalokhu namuhla.
Ukuqonda kanjani ukuthi uthando seludlulile?
Ayikho impendulo engaphelele yombuzo: kungani uthando ludlula. Lokhu kungabangelwa yizici zangaphandle (ibanga, izinkinga ezingasetshenziswayo, ukuhleba, njll), kanye nezinguquko zangaphakathi zakho. Uthando lokuqala, njengombuso, aludluli ngokushesha, ngokuqondile ngoba aluhlangene nezezici zangaphandle, kodwa ngaphakathi sigcina le mzwa isikhathi eside futhi iqinisile, ngoba ixhunywe nezintsha ezisha kithi, kodwa izinzwa ezinjalo zokumema.
Ngakho-ke, ungaqonda kanjani uma uthando lwakho seludlulile:
- uqala ukucasulwa yimikhuba yakhe noma ukuziphatha kwakhe. Ngisho nokubukeka, ungazitholela into engavamile futhi engavamile (khumbula u-Anna Karenina, ngesikhathi ehlaselwa yizindlebe zomyeni wakhe). Ukuthukuthela yisona isibonakaliso sokuqala sokuthi ubudlelwane bakho banikeze ukuhlaselwa okukhulu kakhulu;
- ungakhathazeki ngezimpikiswano. Uma ungazi ukuthi ungazi kanjani uma uthando seludlulile, zilalele ngesikhathi sokuxabana. Akukho ukucasuka? Awunandaba, ukubuyisana noma cha (noma, ngenhliziyo, umbono ongakaze uvuselele);
- ukhohlwe ukuthi ukhona. Ekupheleni kosuku uvele ucabange ngomuntu futhi lokho, ngoba nje uthembisa ukwenza isidlo sakusihlwa. Uma uthando ludlula, awucabangi ngisho nokuthi ungenza izinto zansuku zonke, njengokuhlanza noma ukubuka umbukiso, ndawonye;
- uhlala wedwa, wonke umuntu uhlala endaweni yakhe. Ingxoxo incishiswa ibe yimisho ye-monosyllabic, futhi ngemuva komsebenzi uhambahamba ngezindlela ezahlukene. Awufuni ukwabelana ngemibono yakho, nokukwazi ukuthi izinto ziphakathi kanjani, futhi;
- ungaboni ukukhangwa kocansi. Ukuba khona kocansi akusikho isibonakaliso sothando, kodwa ukungabi khona kwayo kuyisibonakaliso esabekayo. Ukuntuleka kokuheha okwesikhashana kungokwesifazane wonke, noma kunjalo, uma ubulili obubhekwa isikhathi eside njengesibopho esicasulayo, lesi yisikhathi sokubonisa;
- ukulahleka kwamahlaya. Awusayihleka amahlaya afanayo, ungakhulumi ngamahlaya omuntu othandekayo ngaphambili;
- wenze isinqumo yedwa, ucabange njengokuhlukile "I". Futhi nje fakazana ngaphambi kweqiniso;
- ujabule lapho kunokuhlukaniswa. Uma amazwi omfana mayelana nohambo lwebhizinisi olulandelayo, inhliziyo iyaphendula ngokuthokoza "ukulimala", futhi ngokushesha ucabanga ngalokho oyokwenza ngaphandle kwalo, cishe cishe uthando seludlulile.
Ngemuva kwesikhathi sithandani ukudlula?
Ukuthi uthando oludlula ngokushesha luyaphila, empeleni, emandleni okuqala ezinzwa. Kodwa-ke, izinkinga ezibi kakhulu (3, 7 kanye neminyaka engaphezulu) azikho ama-gravestones kuwo wonke uthando. Kungcono isikhathi sokucabanga kabusha nokuguqula esiteji esisha sobudlelwane. Kodwa ngezinye izikhathi kwenzeka ukuthi kulesi sikhathi kusukela ekujuleni komphefumulo kubonakala kuphazamisa futhi ngesikhathi esifanayo umuzwa ocindezelayo wokuthi awusamthandi lo muntu. Yini elandelayo?
Uthando seludlulile, yini okufanele uyenze?
Kangaki,