Umndeni wesilinganiso ovamile: umfazi omuhle nowengqondo, izingane, umsebenzi kanye nakho konke kubonakala kulungile, nomphefumulo uphila emphefumulweni, kodwa ... naphezu kwazo zonke lezi izintelezi zokuphila, cishe yonke imindeni enjalo inesimo esisodwa - abanye ngamadoda ngezinye izikhathi baphendukela "kwesokunxele". Namuhla, abantu abambalwa bayomangala ngalesi simo. Futhi lamadoda ngokwawo asetshenziselwa ukuphawula ngalesi simo ngombhalo othi "umshiyi wesokunxele uqinisa umshado." Kodwa kungani indoda kufanele ibe yinkosikazi, uma kunjalo konke kuhle futhi kumangalisayo? Ake sizame ukuqonda le nkinga.
Kungani amadoda ashadile abe nezindlebe?
Uma ungena emlandweni, ungakhumbula ukuthi isithembu isici esisodwa semasongo. Obaba bethu abesilisa abade kakhulu babela ibhokisi nabesifazane abaningana ngesikhathi esisodwa futhi lokhu kwakubalulekile kuzo zonke izizwe, njengoba abesifazane abaningana banikeza iziqinisekiso eziningi zokuthi inzalo izodla izakhi zofuzo. Ngemva kwamakhulu eminyaka, lesi sici sokusinda kwe-genus sasinda kuphela ezilwaneni. Kodwa-ke, emadodeni lesi sikhundla sasihlelwe ezingeni lesimo semvelo.
Ngokuqondene nemigomo yokuziphatha, namuhla akuwona wonke umuntu ongakutshela ukuthi kungani amadoda eqala abathandi. Abaningi abamele abesilisa abazi nje ukuthi bangathini. Kodwa-ke, kunezizathu ezingabhekiswa nje kuphela ngesimo sangaphakathi sabantu besilisa kanye nesifiso sokunqoba emigqeni yothando.
Kungani amadoda efuna izindlebe?
Indima yendoda emphakathini sekuyisikhathi eside igcwele inqwaba yezinkolelo. Akufanele akhale, kufanele abe namandla, asekele umndeni, amnike, athole imali, njll. Ngakho-ke, kuvela ukuthi ngisho nendoda ayikwazi ukuveza imizwelo yakhe. Yena, inkululeko yokuthanda inkululeko, kufanele ahlale edlala indima yothando obabalayo womndeni nomyeni othembekile. Kodwa-ke, ngisho noma kungekho ukungahambisani nomfazi nomndeni konke kuhle, ukuziphatha lokhu "okuphathekayo" kuholela njalo ekucindezeleni nasezinkingeni zezempilo. Ngaphezu kwalokho, ezimweni eziningi, impilo yomndeni yamadoda iqala nje isikhathi sokushintsha kusukela ebusheni kuya ebusheni (iminyaka engu-23-30), futhi akuwona wonke umuntu olungele ukuyeka indlela endala yokuphila emndenini. Iningi labantu abatholakali ukubona abangane, ukwenza imisebenzi yasendlini, ukuya ezihlotsheni, kanye nabafazi abathandeki ukuhamba ngezinyawo zabo abathembekile egaraji nasebhiya. Kodwa othile udinga ukufakazela amandla nokubaluleka kwawo. Lapha-ke kukhona okuhlukile "uye kwesokunxele".
Kodwa kungani indoda eshadile inkosikazi, kunezinketho eziningi lapha:
- ithuba lokuphindaphinda uzizwe njengesilisa osemncane empilweni yakhe. Yingakho amadoda asebekhulile avame ukufuna amantombazane amancane;
- ithuba lokuthulula umphefumulo kanye nemizwelo yakho. Lesi yisizathu esivamile kakhulu umuntu afuna kumakhosikazi. Emva kwakho konke, uzomamukela njalo ngazo zonke iziphambeko zakhe, ukusekela nokulalela, ngokungafani nomkakhe, owenza kuphela ukuthi uyambona izinsuku ekupheleni;
- ithuba lokuthola izinzwa ezintsha. Sonke sikhumbula lo mzwelo owawusenesikhathi sokuqala kobudlelwane. Ukungabi naluthando olunjalo kuvame ukuholela umuntu kumqondo wokubonakala kwenkosikazi;
- ukwaneliseka ngokocansi. Emindenini eminingi, ekhona iminyaka engaba yishumi nambili, ubuhlobo obuseduze buya kancane emuva. Noma kukhona amacala lapho umfazi engathandani ngempela umuntu embhedeni. Futhi bambalwa kula madoda ngeke baphuthelwe ithuba lokuba baphinde babe yizinto ezifiselekayo nokukhangisa ngokobulili.
Umbono womuntu we "ukuphila okuphindwe kabili"
Nokho, akuzona zonke izizathu ezenza abantu baqale abathandi. I-psychology yendoda injalo ukuthi inkosikazi isivele yinkinga enkulu, uma kungekho enye indlela yokwenza ngayo. Futhi leli phutha libhekene namaphethelo wabesifazane, abanobugebengu bawo, ama-scibal and untention abangela indoda ukuba ifune ukwesekwa eceleni kwakhe. Ngakho, ukuqaphela abesifazane yizimpendulo ezivame kakhulu, ukuthi kungani amadoda enabathandi bokugcina:
- Ngokuvamile esikhathini sethu sokuba nenkosikazi yaba yingxenye yesimo esiphakeme somuntu. Kumele kube yindlela yokubukeka ngayo futhi ihambisane nesimo somuntu. Ngenxa yalesi sizathu, kwavela amahlaya amadumo mayelana nabalobi. Uthando aluphumi lapha noma. Imali kuphela ne-egoism yamadoda;
- futhi isizathu siwukuphila komndeni omude, lapho konke kujwayele futhi kuvamile. Futhi uma abashadile bengenalo ithuba lokuphumula komunye nomunye, ngokuvamile kaningi kunalokho, ukusesha kwendabuko kuholela umuntu ekucabangeni ukuhlubuka;
- enye inketho isebenza njengempendulo yombuzo wesifazane njalo "Ingabe amadoda athande ama-mistress awo?". Kwenzeka ukuthi umcabango wokwehlisa lo muntu kwakungekho, kodwa ngokuzumayo kwavela uthando oluqinile. Lokhu kwenzeka ezimweni lapho umfazi abangele khona umuzwa wothando, futhi empilweni kwakungekho umuzwa wangempela. Ngendlela, lokhu kuyisizathu esiyinhloko sokuthi kungani amadoda eya kumaphosta awo.
Futhi kuthiwani ngalezi zinduna ezifanayo?
Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi izinduna zijabule indima yazo, umbuzo uphikisana. Ngokuvamile, laba besifazane bahlukunyezwa ukuba babe nesizungu baze bathole umuntu okhululekile. Njengoba umkhuba ubonisa, amadoda amaningi anelisekile ngesimo sezinto lapho umfazi othandekayo elinde ekhaya, futhi ohlangothini kukhona inkosikazi ohlala ephakamisa ukuzethemba futhi enika ukwaneliseka ngokocansi. Futhi noma ngabe umfazi ukwaneliseka ngokuphelele nendoda, lokhu akulona iqiniso lokho angeke ashintshe. Okubaluleke nakakhulu ukuthi uzoziphatha kanjani uma ezwa ukukhashelwa komyeni wakhe nokuthi ngokuhlakanipha uzokwenza kanjani esimweni esinjalo. Ekugcineni, uma zonke izinsolo zokugwetshwa kwecala ziphela ngesehlukaniso, khona-ke izibalo zemishado esindayo manje manje zizoba cishe.