Ngokuvamile kunezimo lapho kuphakama umbuzo, okufanele ukwenze ukukhohlwa othandekayo wakho? Izizathu zokuhlukanisa zingase zihluke, kodwa ekugcineni kuyadingeka ukuvumelanisa nomqondo wokuthi lo muntu akasasekho endleleni. Iseluleko sengqondo sizokutshela ukuthi ungakhohlwa kanjani othandekayo wakho futhi sikusize ukunqoba ukuhlukana kulula.
Kungenzeka yini ukukhohlwa umuntu omthandayo?
Isikhathi sokuqala ngemuva kokuhlukanisa, wonke amaphupho kanye nemicabango yenziwa kuphela kuye. Konke okukhumbuza ubudlelwane obuqhekekile: izipho, umculo, izindawo zokuphumula kanye nezinye izinto eziningi. Lezi zinkumbulo zibuhlungu kakhulu, zibangela izinyembezi nokuphelelwa ithemba, ngakho-ke kuyadingeka ukuyeka ukuhlupheka kwakho ngokushesha ngangokunokwenzeka, uqale ukuhlala namhlanje. Ukukhohlwa umuntu othandekayo kunokwenzeka, ngoba lokhu kubalulekile ukwazi ukuthi ungayithatha kanjani uthando lwangaphambili, ukuze inqubo yokuhlukanisa ingenabuhlungu kakhulu.
Yini engingayenza ukuze ngikhohlwe othandekayo?
Ngokuqinisekile akudingeki ukucwilise usizi lwakho ewayini. Utshwala luzosiza kuphela okwesikhashana ukunciphisa ukuhlupheka, kodwa ngeke kuxazululwe inkinga uqobo. Akufanele futhi ubheke intombazane ngenxa yengozi, ngoba esikhundleni sokuphuma esimweni sokucindezeleka, uzongena kuyo ndawonye. Ungasebenzisi emidlalweni yemilingo, ngoba umphumela wabo kunokungabaza. Kuze kube manje, ku-psychology, kukhona uhlu lwezenzo eziqondile kakhulu ezihloswe ekuqondeni ukuthi ungakhohlwa kanjani othandekayo.
Okokuqala, kuyadingeka ukwamukela iqiniso lokuthi ayikwazi ukuqhubeka ubuhlobo nalo muntu, kodwa akukho isifiso sokuhlupheka kuwe. Okwesibili, kubalulekile ukusula isikhala sempilo yakho entsha. Ungacabanga ukuthi ungalindela okuhle kangakanani esikhathini esizayo, uma uphonsa ubudlelwane obungadingekile ekhanda lakho. Ngokuqinisekile ngaphambi kokuqwashana kwabantu abathandayo, ukuhamba, ukukhula komsebenzi, izifundo ezithakazelisayo noma ukuphila komndeni nomunye umuntu. Qala impilo entsha izosiza kuphela ukulahlwa okubukhali kwempilo yangaphambilini. Kubalulekile ukuqeda bonke othintana nabo, izinto zomuntu siqu nezipho, noma ngabe kunzima kangakanani.
Okwesithathu, kubalulekile ukudweba iziphetho ngokuziphendulela imibuzo: "Wenzani lo muntu empilweni yami?", "Kungani ehlangana nami endleleni yami?", "Bangizuzani lobuhlobo?" Futhi nabanye abaningi. Uma ungafinyeleli iziphetho, isimo singase siphinde senzeke. Khona-ke, kufanelekile ukuthola uhlangothi olungalungile lomthandi wakho wangaphambili. Ubudlelwane abukwazanga ukuba buhle, zama ukukhumbula izimo lapho uzwakala ubuhlungu, ungathandeki noma ungakhululekile. Abesifazane abaningi, abangayinaki le mithetho, bahlala ezinkumbulo kuphela okuhle, futhi ngenxa yalokho bahlushwa uthando olungenakuqhathaniswa iminyaka.
Ungakhohlwa kanjani umuntu, uma uthanda ngempela?
Yisho kuye, uyingxenye yesikhathi esidlule, akukho lutho. Kuzuzisa ukuqonda ukuthi akusikho indawo nje yobudlelwane obusha obuhle, kuyilapho omdala bezinhliziyweni. Kubalulekile ukunamathela kumgomo wokuthi konke kwenzeka kuphela ukuze kube ngcono.
Ungazama ukuphazamiseka ngokuzibamba ngokuthile okusha nokuthakazelisayo. Lokhu akusho ukuthi udinga ukungenelela emsebenzini kusukela enhlokweni kuya enzwaneni, udinga ukuba phakathi kwabantu, wenze okuthile okungavamile kuwe. Lokhu kungaba yinto yokuzilibazisa entsha, ukuzijabulisa, ukuhamba nokunye okunjalo. Noma iyiphi inkinga yindlela nje yokuthola amathuba amasha.
Umuthi omuhle kakhulu ngesikhathi esifanayo. Uma uvumela ukuhamba ngesimo ekubhukuda mahhala, isikhathi siyothatha isikhwama. Ayikho inhlekelele esenzekile, isinye isigaba sokuphila sidlulile, futhi kusekhona izinyathelo ezintsha ezishaya phambili, okungafinyelelwa kuphela ngokuthatha isinyathelo sokuzethemba.