Unenkathazo, futhi ngenxa yalokho, igazi lakho liphuthuma ngokushesha ebusweni bakho futhi kuvele ubumnyama obumangalisa. Ngisho noma ubonakala ungathokozi injabulo, futhi uvele uxoxe nomuntu ongajwayelekile noma uphendule imibuzo yabanye abantu, uhlabe yonke into efanayo. Kungani kunjalo? Lokhu kungenxa yezici ezithile zesimiso sezinzwa. Ubunzima bubonakala lapho sibona amahloni okuncane, amahloni, noma ukuphazamiseka kwemizwa nokukhathazeka kwangaphakathi.
Yeka ukuthi ungathinti injabulo?
Ake sibone ukuthi ungayeka kanjani ukuxubha? Okokuqala, kuyadingeka ukwazi ukuthi ingxenye enkulu asiyikuyihlanya ngoba sinenkathazo, kodwa ukuthi ngokweqile thina sihlola kanjani inkinga yobomvu. Uma isikhumba sakho sibhekene nokubomvu ngesizathu esincane kakhulu, khona-ke, ngokwemvelo, uzothola okuningi ngenxa yokuthi ubukeka kanjani kwabanye. Lokhu kuhlanganisa izinkimbinkimbi, ukugwema ukuxhumana nabangane kanye nozakwabo, i-phobia yomphakathi (ukwesaba umphakathi) kungase kuthuthuke.
Ukuze ugweme lokhu, udinga ukwazi ukuthi ungafunda kanjani ukungafihli nganoma yisiphi isizathu. Uma le nkinga ikuhlupha kusukela ebuntwaneni kakhulu, futhi kancane kancane uyifinyelela, kufanelekile ukuzama ukwamukela ngokugcwele leli qiniso. Le ndlela izokusiza ukuba ungayinaki inkinga yobomvu, futhi, ngokufanele, ukuba unake abanye abantu. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, uma ukhohlwa ngokuphelele ngokubomvu futhi uyithatha kalula, i-reddening ebonakalayo izoshesha futhi ingacabangi, kokubili wena nabanye.
Yeka ukuthi ungaxolisi uma ukhuluma?
Ukuqhafaza lapho ukhuluma nomuntu ongajwayelekile? Lokhu kuvamile. Kodwa-ke, uma uzizwa ungakhululekile futhi uzama ukuqeda le nkinga ecasulayo, kufanelekile ukwazi ukuthi yini okumelwe uyenze ukuze ungafihli. Kungokwemvelo ukuthi ukubomvu okukhulayo kungalindelwa kalula ngomzwelo wokushisa nokuhlazeka. Uqala ukwesaba, ukuhlunga, nokuqaphela ukuthi ubude bakho bube bubomvu, usuke ukhulula nakakhulu. Lona umbuthano ononya, okwamanje, kulula ukuphula.
Ngokushesha nje lapho uqala ukuzwa ukufudumala kokushisa okufika ebusweni bakho, zama ukungafakwa kule nqubo. Ungathuli futhi ungagxili ekuzweleni kwangaphakathi, uqhubeke ukhuluma, kuzophazamisa ubuchopho bakho ohlelweni lokubomvu. Ngaphambi kwesikhathi, yiza nemishwana embalwa engahle ibe yiphuzo uma i-interlocutor ibona ububomvu bakho nokuhlazeka. Ngakho, umuntu angaphazamisa inqubo yokubomvu "kabili" futhi anganiki ithuba lokunyuka.
Yeka ukuthi ungazwakali kanjani lapho ukhuluma?
Esinye isibetho sabantu abaningi basesidlangalaleni uma singena esiteji. Kufakazelwa ukuthi umuntu uhlwitha kuphela phambi kwabanye abantu. Qaphela ukuthi awusoze wahlukana wedwa, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi uzama kanzima kangakanani. Ukuqhubeka kulokhu, sizozama ukuthola ukuthi yini okufanele siyenze,
Enye yezinketho ezivame kakhulu ezisetshenziselwa abadumile ukucabanga ukuthi usesiteji ehholo yedwa. Zama ukugxila kulokhu okukhulunywa ngakho, zama ukungazibukeli izilaleli, ubuke imininingwane engapheli yendawo yangaphakathi, futhi ucabange nje ukuthi ihholo lingenalutho. Ukuze ucatshangelwe ngokuphelele, unesidingo sokuzama kanzima, kodwa usazama. Uma ukhuluma nge-tete-a-tet inketho enjalo, ngeshwa, ngeke isebenze.
Phakamisa ukuzethemba kwakho nganoma yiziphi izindlela, gqoka izingubo ezinhle futhi ezikhululekile, qiniseka. Ukulandela lezi ziphakamiso nezinye, uzokwazi ukuthi ungayeka kanjani ukuxubha ngisho nangaphambi kwezilaleli ezinkulu noma enkampanini yabantu abangabazi.