Mhlawumbe umuzwa wesabekayo kakhulu kanye kanye nomlutha ngesikhathi esifanayo umhawu ngomlando wendoda yakhe. Ngemva kokuhlala iminyaka eminingana ngaphansi kophahla olulodwa, lapho esungula impilo futhi ebelethe izingane, konke kuqala ukuhamba futhi "ukhathele". Kule nkathi, owesifazane, ikakhulukazi uma engumama wendlu ngesikhathi salo myalelo, uqala ukulahlekelwa uthando lomdala kanye nokuzizwa kwemizwa. Yilapho amatshe angaphansi kwamanzi aqala ukuvela: konke kuhlelwe, indlu "inkomishi ephelele", ingane kanye nomndeni, kanye nenye inambuzane "gnaws".
Ukuhawukela esikhathini esidlule somuntu
Uma owesifazane ecabanga ngalokho, kuyoba nzima kakhulu ukushintsha ingqondo yakhe. Okubi kakhulu ukuthi umphikisi wakho akayena umakhelwane emphemeni, angeke "athengiswe" ngokushaya ucingo kumyeni wakhe efonini, awukwazi ukukhuluma naye futhi uthola ubuhlobo, futhi umyeni ngokwakhe akanalo lutho lokubonisa. Ukuhawukela esikhathini esidlule umyeni wakhe kubonakala kuhola ubuhlobo ekupheleni kokufa. Yonke into ingaqala ngesithombe esidala noma umhlangano ngezikhathi ezithile emgwaqweni, kodwa nganoma yini, kodwa uma imbewu yomhawu iwela enhlabathini evundile, bayodla ubuhlobo obuvela ngaphakathi. Owesifazane uqala ukudweba kuye ubudlelwane obungenabo kanye nezenzo zomyeni wakhe, ukucabanga ukuthi kubalulekile kuye kuze kube yilolu suku, ukuziqhathanisa nezifiso zangaphambili. Indlela yokunqoba umhawu nokuthi kungenzeka yini ukuyigwema?
Psychology of jealousy of owesifazane
Okokuqala ake sibone ukuthi kungani lo wesifazane enomhawu. Kunezinhlobo eziningana zomhawu. Uma uqonda ukuthi ungubani uhlobo lwakho, kuyoba lula ukunquma ukuthi unqoba kanjani umhawu kumyeni wakhe. Kunezinhlobo ezintathu ezihlukene:
- Umhawu ungumnikazi. Lolu hlobo lomhawu lulawulwa amandla abantu, abajwayele ukugcina konke okulawulwayo. Uma owesifazane onomlingisi onjalo engaqapheli yonke imininingwane yendoda yakhe eyedlule, cishe uzoqala ukusola ukuthi ulwazi olubaluleke kakhulu luye lwaphunyuka kuye "iso lonke".
- Ukuhawukela ngenxa yemizwa yokuvimbela . Cishe okuphambene nohlobo lokuqala, kulokhu abantu bayabonisa umona, bangalondekile, banomzwelo kakhulu, ngokuvamile bazincoma ngokweqile.
- Umhawu njengomboniso. Lapha konke okulula: awuqiniseki ngobuqotho bakho obuphelele futhi ucabanga ukuthi umlingani naye angakhubeka.
Indlela yokunqoba umuzwa womhawu?
Ngakho-ke, ake sibone ukuthi singanqoba kanjani umuzwa womhawu, ngokusekelwe kulolu hlu.
- Okokuqala, zivuma ngokwethembeka ukuthi kungani usuqala ukuba nomhawu: mhlawumbe unenkinga emsebenzini noma "uhlale ekhaya", mhlawumbe ukhunjulwe ukuthi umcimbi wokugcina iminyaka engu-30 useduzane nje - konke lokhu kuyisiginali sokunganeliseki kwakho. Khumbula iqiniso eliyinhloko: uma ungazithandi, kungani abanye kufanele bakuthande? Ukuhawukela endodeni yakhe esikhathini esidlule kungumzamo wokuziphendulela emehlweni akhe (ngokungaqondi kahle) bese uchaza ukuthi kungani into engekho emthweni. Mhlawumbe esikhathini esidlule walala nobuhle nabesifazane abahlakaniphile, kodwa washada nawe, futhi ezindabeni zomndeni "kwakungabonakali, hhayi ukuhileleka." Ngakho-ke ungazisebenza wena? Ukuze unqobe umhawu kuleli cala, qala ngokuzihlonipha, uthole izindlela zokuqalisa. Uma kukhona kungenzeka, yenza i-yoga noma i-salsa - lena indlela enhle yokuzijabulisa wena futhi ubane nomlilo wangaphambili wobuhlobo. Kwabesifazane abathandekayo manje baningi kangaka-isandla-meyda (i-patchwork, ukubulala, i-scrapbooking) ongathola ukucabanga komcabango wakho.
- Uma unganiki ukuphumula kulabo obuhlobo obungazi ngakho, noma umyeni wakho akathandi nje ukukhumbula okwedlule, kufanele ukhulume ngakho ngokungaqondile. Ukuqala inkhulumomphendvulwano kunoma yiliphi icala angeke kube nezinsolo noma ukwenza izimangalo. Masithembeke: ngokuqinisekile nawe unezikhathi zesikhathi esidlule, hhayi ukuthi umyeni, ngokuvamile, akekho owaziyo, futhi akekho into enokuziqhenya ngaso sonke isikhathi, ngakho kungani othembekile wakho engenalo ilungelo "lwamathambo akhe ekamelweni"? Indlela yokunqoba umuzwa womhawu kulokhu: imicabango eqondile ngendlela ehle. Ngaphandle kwamaphutha noma ukunqoba okudlule, ngaphandle kobudlelwane nabanye besifazane kanye nesipiliyoni, umlingani wakho wayengewona umuntu oshade naye.
Ngendlela, futhi mhlawumbe awuzange uphile kuze kube yilapho ushada emshadweni. - Uma ukuphila kuphumelele, azikho izinkinga zokuzihlonipha futhi kubonakala sengathi akudingeki ukuba ulawule zonke izinyathelo zomyeni, kodwa ukungabaza kuyadonsa ngokwakho, kubalulekile ukuzilalela. Ngokuvamile umcabango wokudlala ngothando noma ukunyuka kwawo "ushiye" ubuchopho buvele buhlubule, kuyilapho ukukhawulwa komuntu othandekayo sikhathalela futhi siyaziqhenya ekhanda. Okufanele ukwenze: qaphela impilo yakho ebuseduze, ngokuvamile ukunganeliseki kuholela esifiso sokudlala ngothando nabanye abantu (ukukhulisa ukuzethemba kwabo), futhi kamuva ekhanda lami kukhona imicabango ukuthi indoda ingakwazi ukuphika eceleni "ukudubula amehlo akhe."